Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
