Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
