I think I won the penis lottery.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
