so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
