i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
