They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
