Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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