i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
