um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
