Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
