you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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