Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
