Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
