It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
