Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
