im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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