Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
