So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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