$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
