youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
