she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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