I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
