Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
