I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
