I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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