We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
