you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
