I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Small penises have feelings too.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
