Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
