Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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