Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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