so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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