just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
