Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
