the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize