seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
