can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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