I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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