we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
