Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
