to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dignity is for republicans.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
