I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
