My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
