dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
