My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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