All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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