my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
