bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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