i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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