hotel room ftw
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
