I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize