..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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