Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
