the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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