C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
