Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Someone signed my nipple.
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