I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
