shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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