Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
