if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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