How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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