Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
