i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
