My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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