based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
