don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
