Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
