We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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