1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
