If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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