Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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