I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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